my "real friends", (lord knows whatever the FUCK you are...) know me, and this unwordly "truth" that you speak of...and if you supposedly cared so much for him, you wouldn't be so much as a jackass to blast his most personal and most intimate of mistakes on the internet to totally random strangers...but thats just logic! how unbefitting of you...

if you don't think its rape...okay, for sake of your petty argument then, we'll call it sexual assault! there! my "best friend" sexually assaulted me! sound better!...no? how about did something REALLY fucked up! yes! my "best friend" really fucked up...he made a simple mistake the EVERYONE makes, and took advantage of me WHILE I WAS SLEEPING! he only stood and watched me for about an hour, then without provocation decided to strip down, start licking my back (cuz oh, THOSE WERE NOT KISSES!) and force my dick in his mouth, while i hit him...ofcourse, i only hit him you know, and i should've told him to stop, because then he would have...and he did! when i spoke...but you know...i'd like to think...that my "best friend" would have known it wasn't okay without me saying. wouldn't have let things get so far, let himself get lost in his own selfish feelings of wanting to experience the touch of a man for the first time...especially with the forthought, that even if for some reason (and he knows i don't, never did, and now never will...) i wanted it, that it would have been wrong simply because at the time i was in such a weak emotional state after having just lost the one person i'd ever really given myself too, ever really dared to speak of matrimony, ever even dared to whisper those three chain linked wods through tear streaked eyes, and wasn't in like of ANY human being really even touching my body at all unless out of pain and punishment to myself...

"my best friend", also, wouldn't have tried to do what was done, oh; Sheerly as a mistake, to "help" me, because fucking someone never ever really helps anyone with anything...not with the heart. sex doesn't heal those scars...and that was the desired end, wasn't it...SEX! because i'm too believe that my "best friend" was meerly going to sit there, watch me as i'm sleeping....sleep which was acquired through blood and tears, and the sanctity of security i felt at his home, and violate all means, abandon all logic, lose hiself to his feelings, and dare to touch what didn't want to be touch simply to taste a little, and walk away...? is that the truth i cannot see amanda? is that why i am a bastard! a liar! an attention whore...an attention whore who locks out the world by locking himself in his closet, scratching at the cuts on his shoulder, listening to music, and silently praying to who'll ever listen to just give him the power or the strength to simply just fade away...or maybe it's my own fault...

i led him on, right? sleeping without pants...why? i couldn't have been hot that night, no! laying under the comforter...no! because i'm not some fucked up psycho who's still somewhat afraid of the FUCKING dark, and whatever may be in it! oh...because i sat in the room with him while he watched skinemax in the wee hours of the morning? my head leaning against the wall, eyes barely open, head pounding from a migraine, trying to decipher the sounds of my own thoughts...naw...that's not it!

either way i'm wrong right..? because i should've given him what he wanted, right manda? because he's my friend? because i'm a whore, and i give myself to anyone anyway, so why not a friend! right? someone who wouldn't hurt me! leave me! make me feel dirty...well...guess what? i may be fucking wrong, ass backwards, unpleasant, morose, depressed, a loser, and just an all around jackass...but when my "best friend"...touched me...because HE thought it was okay! because he thought the hitting was playing...because he was confused, curious, wanted to know understand, feel, experience...that split second when he decided to "kiss", and blow, regardless of how i felt (which couldn't have been anything be it i was asleep...), he made me feel just as much as a whore as any artist, any old man, any high school boy, highschool girl, or any person anywhere, at any thime that i've ever fucked, or let fuck me...because it doesn't matter what they do, obviously! because unless i'm beaten, cursed out or penetrated, its not rape...well then FUCK! you're right then! you're fucking right!

and i apologize to all my friends for the lies i've told. and webs i've spun! and the confusion i've caused about the situation between me and my "best friend!" and i have learned from all of this...that when you meet people over the net...or at a cafe...or on a street corner...and you think you can confide in them because the pain you're holding inside is too great, and magnified by the fact that you lover, your friends, your family doesn't think that you should be hurting at all...that its not a big deal...keep your fucking mouth shut! it only leads to more pain...and there's nothing you can do. because when greedy selfish people want to be heard, there voice seems to echoe much much louder than a tiny moan of discomfort heard rousing out of sleep as your "best friend" is coating your back with his tongue...

--
"Happiness lies in good health and a bad memory..."
-from a fortune cookie i ate.

my "real friends", (lord knows whatever the FUCK you are...) know me, and this unwordly "truth" that you speak of...and if you supposedly cared so much for him, you wouldn't be so much as a jackass to blast his most personal and most intimate of mistakes on the internet to totally random strangers...but thats just logic! how unbefitting of you...

if you don't think its rape...okay, for sake of your petty argument then, we'll call it sexual assault! there! my "best friend" sexually assaulted me! sound better!...no? how about did something REALLY fucked up! yes! my "best friend" really fucked up...he made a simple mistake the EVERYONE makes, and took advantage of me WHILE I WAS SLEEPING! he only stood and watched me for about an hour, then without provocation decided to strip down, start licking my back (cuz oh, THOSE WERE NOT KISSES!) and force my dick in his mouth, while i hit him...ofcourse, i only hit him you know, and i should've told him to stop, because then he would have...and he did! when i spoke...but you know...i'd like to think...that my "best friend" would have known it wasn't okay without me saying. wouldn't have let things get so far, let himself get lost in his own selfish feelings of wanting to experience the touch of a

--
"Happiness lies in good health and a bad memory..."
-from a fortune cookie i ate.

my "real friends", (lord knows whatever the FUCK you are...) know me, and this unwordly "truth" that you speak of...and if you supposedly cared so much for him, you wouldn't be so much as a jackass to blast his most personal and most intimate of mistakes on the internet to totally random strangers...but thats just logic! how unbefitting of you...

if you don't think its rape...okay, for sake of your petty argument then, we'll call it sexual assault! there! my "best friend" sexually assaulted me! sound better!...no? how about did something REALLY fucked up! yes! my "best friend" really fucked up...he made a simple mistake the EVERYONE makes, and took advantage of me WHILE I WAS SLEEPING! he only stood and watched me for about an hour, then without provocation decided to strip down, start licking my back (cuz oh, THOSE WERE NOT KISSES!) and force my dick in his mouth, while i hit him...ofcourse, i only hit him you know, and i should've told him to stop, because then he would have...and he did! when i spoke...but you know...i'd like to think...that my "best friend" would have known it wasn't okay without me saying. wouldn't have let things get so far, let himself get lost in his own selfish feelings of wanting to experience the touch of a man for the first time...especially with the forthought, that even if for some reason (and he knows i don't, never did, and now never will...) i wanted it, that it would have been wrong simply because at the time i was in such a weak emotional state after having just lost the one person i'd ever really given myself too, ever really dared to speak of matrimony, ever even dared to whisper those three chain linked wods through tear streaked eyes, and wasn't in like of ANY human being really even touching my body at all unless out of pain and punishment to myself...

"my best friend", also, wouldn't have tried to do what was done, oh; Sheerly as a mistake, to "help" me, because fucking someone never ever really helps anyone with anything...not with the heart. sex doesn't heal those scars...and that was the desired end, wasn't it...SEX! because i'm too believe that my "best friend" was meerly going to sit there, watch me as i'm sleeping....sleep which was acquired through blood and tears, and the sanctity of security i felt at his home, and violate all means, abandon all logic, lose hiself to his feelings, and dare to touch what didn't want to be touch simply to taste a little, and walk away...? is that the truth i cannot see amanda? is that why i am a bastard! a liar! an attention whore...an attention whore who locks out the world by locking himself in his closet, scratching at the cuts on his shoulder, listening to music, and silently praying to who'll ever listen to just give him the power or the strength to simply just fade away...or maybe it's my own fault...

i led him on, right? sleeping without pants...why? i couldn't have been hot that night, no! laying under the comforter...no! because i'm not some fucked up psycho who's still somewhat afraid of the FUCKING dark, and whatever may be in it! oh...because i sat in the room with him while he watched skinemax in the wee hours of the morning? my head leaning against the wall, eyes barely open, head pounding from a migraine, trying to decipher the sounds of my own thoughts...naw...that's not it!

either way i'm wrong right..? because i should've given him what he wanted, right manda? because he's my friend? because i'm a whore, and i give myself to anyone anyway, so why not a friend! right? someone who wouldn't hurt me! leave me! make me feel dirty...well...guess what? i may be fucking wrong, ass backwards, unpleasant, morose, depressed, a loser, and just an all around jackass...but when my "best friend"...touched me...because HE thought it was okay! because he thought the hitting was playing...because he was confused, curious, wanted to know understand, feel, experience...that split second when he decided to "kiss", and blow, regardless of how i felt (which couldn't have been anything be it i was asleep...), he made me feel just as much as a whore as any artist, any old man, any high school boy, highschool girl, or any person anywhere, at any thime that i've ever fucked, or let fuck me...because it doesn't matter what they do, obviously! because unless i'm beaten, cursed out or penetrated, its not rape...well then FUCK! you're right then! you're fucking right!

and i apologize to all my friends for the lies i've told. and webs i've spun! and the confusion i've caused about the situation between me and my "best friend!" and i have learned from all of this...that when you meet people over the net...or at a cafe...or on a street corner...and you think you can confide in them because the pain you're holding inside is too great, and magnified by the fact that you lover, your friends, your family doesn't think that you should be hurting at all...that its not a big deal...keep your fucking mouth shut! it only leads to more pain...and there's nothing you can do. because when greedy selfish people want to be heard, there voice seems to echoe much much louder than a tiny moan of discomfort heard rousing out of sleep as your "best friend" is coating your back with his tongue...

--
"Happiness lies in good health and a bad memory..."
-from a fortune cookie i ate.

my "real friends", (lord knows whatever the FUCK you are...) know me, and this unwordly "truth" that you speak of...and if you supposedly cared so much for him, you wouldn't be so much as a jackass to blast his most personal and most intimate of mistakes on the internet to totally random strangers...but thats just logic! how unbefitting of you...

if you don't think its rape...okay, for sake of your petty argument then, we'll call it sexual assault! there! my "best friend" sexually assaulted me! sound better!...no? how about did something REALLY fucked up! yes! my "best friend" really fucked up...he made a simple mistake the EVERYONE makes, and took advantage of me WHILE I WAS SLEEPING! he only stood and watched me for about an hour, then without provocation decided to strip down, start licking my back (cuz oh, THOSE WERE NOT KISSES!) and force my dick in his mouth, while i hit him...ofcourse, i only hit him you know, and i should've told him to stop, because then he would have...and he did! when i spoke...but you know...i'd like to think...that my "best friend" would have known it wasn't okay without me saying. wouldn't have let things get so far, let himself get lost in his own selfish feelings of wanting to experience the touch of a man for the first time...especially with the forthought, that even if for some reason (and he knows i don't, never did, and now never will...) i wanted it, that it would have been wrong simply because at the time i was in such a weak emotional state after having just lost the one person i'd ever really given myself too, ever really dared to speak of matrimony, ever even dared to whisper those three chain linked wods through tear streaked eyes, and wasn't in like of ANY human being really even touching my body at all unless out of pain and punishment to myself...

"my best friend", also, wouldn't have tried to do what was done, oh; Sheerly as a mistake, to "help" me, because fucking someone never ever really helps anyone with anything...not with the heart. sex doesn't heal those scars...and that was the desired end, wasn't it...SEX! because i'm too believe that my "best friend" was meerly going to sit there, watch me as i'm sleeping....sleep which was acquired through blood and tears, and the sanctity of security i felt at his home, and violate all means, abandon all logic, lose hiself to his feelings, and dare to touch what didn't want to be touch simply to taste a little, and walk away...? is that the truth i cannot see amanda? is that why i am a bastard! a liar! an attention whore...an attention whore who locks out the world by locking himself in his closet, scratching at the cuts on his shoulder, listening to music, and silently praying to who'll ever listen to just give him the power or the strength to simply just fade away...or maybe it's my own fault...

i led him on, right? sleeping without pants...why? i couldn't have been hot that night, no! laying under the comforter...no! because i'm not some fucked up psycho who's still somewhat afraid of the FUCKING dark, and whatever may be in it! oh...because i sat in the room with him while he watched skinemax in the wee hours of the morning? my head leaning against the wall, eyes barely open, head pounding from a migraine, trying to decipher the sounds of my own thoughts...naw...that's not it!

either way i'm wrong right..? because i should've given him what he wanted, right manda? because he's my friend? because i'm a whore, and i give myself to anyone anyway, so why not a friend! right? someone who wouldn't hurt me! leave me! make me feel dirty...well...guess what? i may be fucking wrong, ass backwards, unpleasant, morose, depressed, a loser, and just an all around jackass...but when my "best friend"...touched me...because HE thought it was okay! because he thought the hitting was playing...because he was confused, curious, wanted to know understand, feel, experience...that split second when he decided to "kiss", and blow, regardless of how i felt (which couldn't have been anything be it i was asleep...), he made me feel just as much as a whore as any artist, any old man, any high school boy, highschool girl, or any person anywhere, at any thime that i've ever fucked, or let fuck me...because it doesn't matter what they do, obviously! because unless i'm beaten, cursed out or penetrated, its not rape...well then FUCK! you're right then! you're fucking right!

and i apologize to all my friends for the lies i've told. and webs i've spun! and the confusion i've caused about the situation between me and my "best friend!" and i have learned from all of this...that when you meet people over the net...or at a cafe...or on a street corner...and you think you can confide in them because the pain you're holding inside is too great, and magnified by the fact that you lover, your friends, your family doesn't think that you should be hurting at all...that its not a big deal...keep your fucking mouth shut! it only leads to more pain...and there's nothing you can do. because when greedy selfish people want to be heard, there voice seems to echoe much much louder than a tiny moan of discomfort heard rousing out of sleep as your "best friend" is coating your back with his tongue...

--
"Happiness lies in good health and a bad memory..."
-from a fortune cookie i ate.

ok, fucking honestly.
first of all, stop barraging peoples front pages with a billion comments. I don't care, I never use my page, but I'm preety sure terrence and d really don't like it.
and I did stop commenting.
AND THERE IS NO WAR! I don't seem to get what you keep meaning by that.
You see, calm rational comment...thats all. Leave it alone, because we're all sick of this stuff by now.

haven't heard from you in awhile, wondering if you are ok, doesn't seem like you to not be on, you usually are alot.

happy valentines day

hey manda!
it's me...D!

i made a new account!
hit me up when you can! (sorry for all this confusion!)
....you're amazing, you know that?

utterly fucking amazing!

anyway...
hope to hear from you soon!

later!

--
"Happiness lies in good health and a bad memory..."
-from a fortune cookie i ate.